Whod you bang
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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