Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Randomize
