My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
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you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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