I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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