We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
