did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
