It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
