dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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