i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
