just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
