i already hear my dad disowning me
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Randomize
