How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You may now shotgun with the bride
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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