Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
