I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Someone shattered a urinal.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
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