She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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