she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize