I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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