You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
