when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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