he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
