I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
