I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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