Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
