She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
