She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
