I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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