there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
