I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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