there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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