so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
