as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
