Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
