she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
