i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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