you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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