the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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