And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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