i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
