then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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