we have officially lost it.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
