lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
