I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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