Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
