allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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