Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
