He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
