No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
