I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
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