When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
