you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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