yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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