So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I can't turn off my feet"
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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