Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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