He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
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