He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I fill condoms, not promises.
So much rum. So many feels.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
