Texts From Last Night

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  (770): View more from Georgia

  I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.

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  (770): I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too. http://tfl.nu/c8jr
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...

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  (203): there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it... http://tfl.nu/nw7o
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.

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  (702): He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form. http://tfl.nu/7sev
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.

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  (262): So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt. http://tfl.nu/9ocn
  Replies (24) Good night (505) Bad night (5068)
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game

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  (302): I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game http://tfl.nu/wh7c
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I think you may want to look into that...

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  (519): someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement" (403): I think you may want to look into that... http://tfl.nu/qglv
  Replies (5) Good night (855) Bad night (2776)
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  (808): View more from Hawaii

  There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude

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  (808): There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude http://tfl.nu/nnq9
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  (575): View more from New Mexico

  I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.

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  (575): I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm. http://tfl.nu/2mds
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.

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  (843): I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form. http://tfl.nu/qfth
  Replies (5) Good night (2006) Bad night (631) Order T-Shirt
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.

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  (503): You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine. http://tfl.nu/60jl
  Replies (6) Good night (1522) Bad night (475)
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  (714): View more from California

  Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.

  (1-714): View more from California

  If he was naked that was me.

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  (714): Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed. (1-714): If he was naked that was me. http://tfl.nu/ou2y
  Replies (10) Good night (4617) Bad night (477) Order T-Shirt
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  I am too young to be this hungover

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?

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  (608): I am too young to be this hungover (262): Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th? http://tfl.nu/yoe0
  Replies (5) Good night (586) Bad night (958)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'

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  (513): She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste' http://tfl.nu/jrl8
  Replies (11) Good night (1811) Bad night (418) Order T-Shirt
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!

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  (918): It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore! http://tfl.nu/18ia
  Replies (2) Good night (1151) Bad night (345) Order T-Shirt
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk

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  (920): I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk http://tfl.nu/qdf4
  Replies (1) Good night (728) Bad night (152) Order T-Shirt

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