Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
