My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
