hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
