the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
