Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
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