Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
