the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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