I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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