shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
