Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
