found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
BRING THE BAGELS
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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