im drinking this country out of the recession.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize
