I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Randomize
