While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
