What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
